"I'm too stale to eat breakfast, so I smell my fingertips"
From "Tuna Fish" by Emiliana Torrini.
My face has the feeling you only get from being ground into a man's facial stubble.
My mouth tastes like cock.
My fingers smell like sex.
........... this doesn't ever happen to me.
Sunday, August 29, 2010
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Well......That wasn't exactly beautiful.
So I did remember one of my dreams last night.
It was set in the main street of the town where I grew up in England. It was very busy and there were lots of people walking in all directions.
There was only one person that wasn't walking around and it was this very austere older African American man wearing a long beige trench coat. He was clean shaven and had short grey hair. He had given me a chocolate cupcake that had been cut into quarters and I was moving through the crowd and he was yelling at me accross all the other people to just shove the whole thing in my mouth at once. I was too embarrassed to do this amoungst all these people, and then he beckoned me over and I had to dodge my way through all the people to get to him. When I did, he started breaking tiny pieces of the cupcake off and feeding them to me. It was this odd mixture of sensual, and really creepy. I felt a little uncomfortable in the situation. Then I broke a small piece off and fed it to him, it seemed like the polite thing to do.
Then he said "I guess it's time to strap-on the strap-on" I was confused about why a guy would need a strap-on, and was a little put off and embarrassed - so I just laughed, and took another piece of the cupcake, but this time I ate it myself.
It was set in the main street of the town where I grew up in England. It was very busy and there were lots of people walking in all directions.
There was only one person that wasn't walking around and it was this very austere older African American man wearing a long beige trench coat. He was clean shaven and had short grey hair. He had given me a chocolate cupcake that had been cut into quarters and I was moving through the crowd and he was yelling at me accross all the other people to just shove the whole thing in my mouth at once. I was too embarrassed to do this amoungst all these people, and then he beckoned me over and I had to dodge my way through all the people to get to him. When I did, he started breaking tiny pieces of the cupcake off and feeding them to me. It was this odd mixture of sensual, and really creepy. I felt a little uncomfortable in the situation. Then I broke a small piece off and fed it to him, it seemed like the polite thing to do.
Then he said "I guess it's time to strap-on the strap-on" I was confused about why a guy would need a strap-on, and was a little put off and embarrassed - so I just laughed, and took another piece of the cupcake, but this time I ate it myself.
Distressing Dream
I had this dream that was completely ridiculous and horrifying.
As recalled from Saturday Night's sleep:
So I'm watching this TV special about this famous actress from South America - She is this huge Soap Opera star, like the Susan Lucci of South America, except she is a transsexual, but in the most ridiculous fashion - she basically has the body of a muscly and hairy guy, but the head of a glamorous woman with huge Barbie style blond hair. The thing was no-one seemed to bat an eyelid about this and it was perfectly normal, there were all these snippets of her with her co-stars, lounging poolside, in her bikini - totally buff and covered in black body hair!
Anyway - so there was one Soap Opera in particular that she had been in for years and years - and this soap opera had a monkey in it - you know like how there is that Orangatang in Passions - except this monkey was a Baboon, I can't remember what the monkey was called, but for the sake of the story - let's call it Nelly. So the Tranny is doing the voice over to this TV Special herself and is talking about her time on this long running soap - then she starts talking about working with Nelly and says "Of course, no one can forgot the day that Nelly got her face ripped off, it was meant to be scripted into the story as a heart warming tale - but as you can see from this footage, it didn't quite turn out that way".
It cuts to Nelly sitting in a clearing in the rainforest (Not really sure why a monkey that was staring in a Soap opera would be in the rainforest, but anyway), Then this other giant Baboon that is twice the size comes crashing out of the trees and attacks Nelly - It was really graphic and gruesome, and the larger baboon tore one of Nelly's arms off, then continued to tear one of her legs off - then it returns into the trees (taking the dismembered limbs with it). So Nelly is lying there, unable to move and screaming in agony - and as I'm watching this I'm absolutely distressed by the senseless violence and raw brutality of it all. Then as she is laying there completely ravaged and unable to move, the larger baboon comes bounding out of the trees again, grabs hold of the fur above her forehead with both hands and tears her face completely off - leaving this unrecognisable mass of flesh with these perfect rows of exposed teeth. It kind of reminded me of Chatterer from Hell Raiser.
Again the larger one bounds off - this time Nelly is not screaming but making this noise that is a mixture between a whimper and gargling blood. This was an extremely disturbing image, and it felt like it went forever, in the dream I was wondering 'when are they going to stop filming this'.
At this point I woke up pretty distressed. I don't even like Baboons, but the whole scene was so horrifically cruel, that it was extremely upsetting to 'witness'. I was also completely unsettled by the whole voice over leading into it - It was supposed to be a heart warming tale? WTF.
I fell back asleep but when I got up on Sunday morning I was still feeling really unsettled by it - more than anything I was disturbed by the fact that such imagery was in my head in the first place - but then as I was trying to piece together where it would have come from, I realized that it was actually because of something Josie from UK Big Brother had said about how whenever she feels down, she thinks about that woman who got her face ripped off by a Chimpanzee. Which is at once ridiculous and relieving that there was a clear source for the disturbing and graphic imagery, but that it would come from something as stupid and inconsequential as Big Brother.
I was still distressed by the graphic violence and underlying themes of hopelessness and cruelty though,
Maybe I'll dream something beautiful tonight....
As recalled from Saturday Night's sleep:
So I'm watching this TV special about this famous actress from South America - She is this huge Soap Opera star, like the Susan Lucci of South America, except she is a transsexual, but in the most ridiculous fashion - she basically has the body of a muscly and hairy guy, but the head of a glamorous woman with huge Barbie style blond hair. The thing was no-one seemed to bat an eyelid about this and it was perfectly normal, there were all these snippets of her with her co-stars, lounging poolside, in her bikini - totally buff and covered in black body hair!
Anyway - so there was one Soap Opera in particular that she had been in for years and years - and this soap opera had a monkey in it - you know like how there is that Orangatang in Passions - except this monkey was a Baboon, I can't remember what the monkey was called, but for the sake of the story - let's call it Nelly. So the Tranny is doing the voice over to this TV Special herself and is talking about her time on this long running soap - then she starts talking about working with Nelly and says "Of course, no one can forgot the day that Nelly got her face ripped off, it was meant to be scripted into the story as a heart warming tale - but as you can see from this footage, it didn't quite turn out that way".
It cuts to Nelly sitting in a clearing in the rainforest (Not really sure why a monkey that was staring in a Soap opera would be in the rainforest, but anyway), Then this other giant Baboon that is twice the size comes crashing out of the trees and attacks Nelly - It was really graphic and gruesome, and the larger baboon tore one of Nelly's arms off, then continued to tear one of her legs off - then it returns into the trees (taking the dismembered limbs with it). So Nelly is lying there, unable to move and screaming in agony - and as I'm watching this I'm absolutely distressed by the senseless violence and raw brutality of it all. Then as she is laying there completely ravaged and unable to move, the larger baboon comes bounding out of the trees again, grabs hold of the fur above her forehead with both hands and tears her face completely off - leaving this unrecognisable mass of flesh with these perfect rows of exposed teeth. It kind of reminded me of Chatterer from Hell Raiser.
Again the larger one bounds off - this time Nelly is not screaming but making this noise that is a mixture between a whimper and gargling blood. This was an extremely disturbing image, and it felt like it went forever, in the dream I was wondering 'when are they going to stop filming this'.
At this point I woke up pretty distressed. I don't even like Baboons, but the whole scene was so horrifically cruel, that it was extremely upsetting to 'witness'. I was also completely unsettled by the whole voice over leading into it - It was supposed to be a heart warming tale? WTF.
I fell back asleep but when I got up on Sunday morning I was still feeling really unsettled by it - more than anything I was disturbed by the fact that such imagery was in my head in the first place - but then as I was trying to piece together where it would have come from, I realized that it was actually because of something Josie from UK Big Brother had said about how whenever she feels down, she thinks about that woman who got her face ripped off by a Chimpanzee. Which is at once ridiculous and relieving that there was a clear source for the disturbing and graphic imagery, but that it would come from something as stupid and inconsequential as Big Brother.
I was still distressed by the graphic violence and underlying themes of hopelessness and cruelty though,
Maybe I'll dream something beautiful tonight....
Sunday, August 15, 2010
Love Chemical
"You make chemicals run in my blood just by looking, you take my free will and throw it away"
from "The Great Escape" by BT featuring Caroline Lavelle.
It's strange to think that something as powerful as love, is literally just a chemical reaction, that's all it is.
I found myself wondering this morning why they haven't developed a pill to counteract love - a kind of love antidote if you will.
Then I realized that this would, in fact - should it be formulated, be the worst thing that humans had ever done - worse than any weapon, any virus, any of our many, many other destructive endeavors.
I guess I believe that to love is our singular and ultimate purpose for existence.
But if there was a love antidote pill there right now, I'd take it.
from "The Great Escape" by BT featuring Caroline Lavelle.
It's strange to think that something as powerful as love, is literally just a chemical reaction, that's all it is.
I found myself wondering this morning why they haven't developed a pill to counteract love - a kind of love antidote if you will.
Then I realized that this would, in fact - should it be formulated, be the worst thing that humans had ever done - worse than any weapon, any virus, any of our many, many other destructive endeavors.
I guess I believe that to love is our singular and ultimate purpose for existence.
But if there was a love antidote pill there right now, I'd take it.
Friday, August 13, 2010
Bob Marley Quote
"The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for."
This is really resonating with me at the moment.
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
The Awesomeness
I've tried and tried to perfect the hoe-down elbow jab into the disco wrist finger click at 26 seconds - but alas it is a moment of human brilliance that can never be recreated.
Sunday, August 8, 2010
Apparently I have nothing to say.....
Well....... I started a blog - but I don't have anything to say - so brace yourselves for a whole lot of nothing.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)