Monday, October 18, 2010

Gender Logistics

So I had somehow body-swapped with this woman - it wasn't a permanent arrangement, it was more like we were taking a holiday in each others body. I was standing at the sink in the bathroom of the house I grew up in - it was a rather luxurious bathroom, it was carpeted, and one whole wall was covered in mirrored tiles - and I was looking at my new form in the wall of mirrors. This woman's body I was in had a massive conehead - I was playing with my hair trying to devise a way to hide my new massive forehead, as she wore her hair tied back and I considered it quite unflattering. I decided I was going to cut a fringe in and cut the rest of it short and bleach it so I would like Marilyn Monroe (not that she had a fringe, but that kind of length). Of course, if I was really borrowing someone else's body I would never entertain making such drastic changes to it, but in my dream I was quite unfazed about giving her a radical makeover before giving her body back.

As I was picturing my new hairstyle - I realised that I didn't know how to apply makeup, and I was going to need to learn straight away because I had no intention of rocking some plain jane look, but I thought I would shower first so I could get started bleaching my hair. It was then I realised, Oh wait, I have a vagina - am I supposed to wash it when I have a shower? I don't imagine it will respond too well to being lathered in soap, but am I supposed to get all up inside it with the water? It dawned on me that I was going to have to ask someone - "How do I wash my vagina?"

Awkward.

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