Get out of the back seat

My dad was driving.

I never sit in the back when I'm the only passenger, not even in cabs, but I was here.

I couldn't get this song out of my head, but every time I sang it out loud he'd join in.

This annoyed me and I had to keep the song inside. Even I couldn't hear it now.

I had lollies, some were in individual wrappers. They were all favourites of his. I was pleased to have obtained something that could make him happy.  I was passing them forward and he would take them from my hand.

The ones not in wrappers spilt all over the floor, but he didn't see.

It shouldn't have been a big deal, but it was to me.

I pretended I ate them, and as I collected them, covered in lint, hair and debris, I hoped he wouldn't find them in the bin.

Music Dreams

So sometimes I dream about a piece of music that doesn't exist - Like once I dreamt I was caught in a house in a tornado, and the debris flying around outside had smashed all the windows and the wind blew this 12 inch double pack through the broken window. It was an EP by Fade (Chris Fortier and Neil Kolo). It was 4 different instrumental tracks, one on each side of the 2 discs - it was a full release, not a promo, with a beautiful printed green sleeve. I had this dream in 1997 when Fade were at their absolute peak (IMHO) and I was excited beyond words that the universe had delivered this double pack to me, and I couldn't wait for the tornado to end so I could listen to the tracks - I never got that far though. I was pretty devastated when I woke up and suddenly this Fade double pack EP was no longer in my life.

I also remember one where I was second hand record shopping and found a promo of "Holly" by Republica that had a 13 minute extended mix based on the Full Mix, and a dub. It even came in that distinctive Deconstruction records yellow promo sleeve with the rounded corners - and again I was pretty crushed when I woke up.

Well I just had another one. In the dream it was 1992, and I was living with my current flatmate and an old and dear friend, whom in reality I'm reluctantly not in contact with anymore. My flatmate had just bought 300 pills (!) and we were organising stuff for the weekend, we were total weekend warriors. So anyway whilst we are organising everything I am also reading a magazine - it was kind of like DJ mag was in 1992, but it wasn't DJ mag - and the track that was at the top of all the buzz charts was this track by U2, but it was a remix by Todd Terry. As I was reading, the track was also playing on the stereo - I can't recall a single bar of it now, but it was awesome, REALLY awesome - the chorus was something along the lines of 'I'll be there for you' and the remix used the full vocal, and it had this big Euro-style bass-line like the one in "Rhythm Is A Dancer" and was the most uplifting thing you'd ever heard in your life. I just woke up from this dream - I wish I could remember how the actual song went. . .

Gender Logistics

So I had somehow body-swapped with this woman - it wasn't a permanent arrangement, it was more like we were taking a holiday in each others body. I was standing at the sink in the bathroom of the house I grew up in - it was a rather luxurious bathroom, it was carpeted, and one whole wall was covered in mirrored tiles - and I was looking at my new form in the wall of mirrors. This woman's body I was in had a massive conehead - I was playing with my hair trying to devise a way to hide my new massive forehead, as she wore her hair tied back and I considered it quite unflattering. I decided I was going to cut a fringe in and cut the rest of it short and bleach it so I would like Marilyn Monroe (not that she had a fringe, but that kind of length). Of course, if I was really borrowing someone else's body I would never entertain making such drastic changes to it, but in my dream I was quite unfazed about giving her a radical makeover before giving her body back.

As I was picturing my new hairstyle - I realised that I didn't know how to apply makeup, and I was going to need to learn straight away because I had no intention of rocking some plain jane look, but I thought I would shower first so I could get started bleaching my hair. It was then I realised, Oh wait, I have a vagina - am I supposed to wash it when I have a shower? I don't imagine it will respond too well to being lathered in soap, but am I supposed to get all up inside it with the water? It dawned on me that I was going to have to ask someone - "How do I wash my vagina?"

Awkward.

The Scars of Stigmata

I had stigmata, well sort of. . .

So I was in this public bathroom and i was washing my hands, and the receptionist from my workplace was also at the adjacent sink washing their hands. In the centre of the palms of my hands I had these horrendous scars that were from being nailed to a cross, they were completely healed, but really gruesome looking, really deep craters in the middle of each palm. They were my dark secret that somehow no-one knew about, despite being large and clearly visible(!) and I was trying to hide them as I washed my hands. I had to wash them very carefully to make sure that I got right into the all the crevices of the wounds, as a result the receptionist from my work noticed them and started questioning me about them. I don't remember what I said in return, if anything, I just remember the feeling of total and utter humiliation that someone had noticed the scars, and knew that I had been crucified.

Well......That wasn't exactly beautiful.

So I did remember one of my dreams last night.

It was set in the main street of the town where I grew up in England. It was very busy and there were lots of people walking in all directions.

There was only one person that wasn't walking around and it was this very austere older African American man wearing a long beige trench coat. He was clean shaven and had short grey hair. He had given me a chocolate cupcake that had been cut into quarters and I was moving through the crowd and he was yelling at me accross all the other people to just shove the whole thing in my mouth at once. I was too embarrassed to do this amoungst all these people, and then he beckoned me over and I had to dodge my way through all the people to get to him. When I did, he started breaking tiny pieces of the cupcake off and feeding them to me. It was this odd mixture of sensual, and really creepy. I felt a little uncomfortable in the situation. Then I broke a small piece off and fed it to him, it seemed like the polite thing to do.

Then he said "I guess it's time to strap-on the strap-on" I was confused about why a guy would need a strap-on, and was a little put off and embarrassed - so I just laughed, and took another piece of the cupcake, but this time I ate it myself.

Distressing Dream

I had this dream that was completely ridiculous and horrifying.

As recalled from Saturday Night's sleep:

So I'm watching this TV special about this famous actress from South America - She is this huge Soap Opera star, like the Susan Lucci of South America, except she is a transsexual, but in the most ridiculous fashion - she basically has the body of a muscly and hairy guy, but the head of a glamorous woman with huge Barbie style blond hair. The thing was no-one seemed to bat an eyelid about this and it was perfectly normal, there were all these snippets of her with her co-stars, lounging poolside, in her bikini - totally buff and covered in black body hair!

Anyway - so there was one Soap Opera in particular that she had been in for years and years - and this soap opera had a monkey in it - you know like how there is that Orangatang in Passions - except this monkey was a Baboon, I can't remember what the monkey was called, but for the sake of the story - let's call it Nelly.  So the Tranny is doing the voice over to this TV Special herself and is talking about her time on this long running soap - then she starts talking about working with Nelly and says "Of course, no one can forgot the day that Nelly got her face ripped off, it was meant to be scripted into the story as a heart warming tale - but as you can see from this footage, it didn't quite turn out that way".

It cuts to Nelly sitting in a clearing in the rainforest (Not really sure why a monkey that was staring in a Soap opera would be in the rainforest, but anyway), Then this other giant Baboon that is twice the size comes crashing out of the trees and attacks Nelly - It was really graphic and gruesome, and the larger baboon tore one of Nelly's arms off, then continued to tear one of her legs off - then it returns into the trees (taking the dismembered limbs with it). So Nelly is lying there, unable to move and screaming in agony - and as I'm watching this I'm absolutely distressed by the senseless violence and raw brutality of it all. Then as she is laying there completely ravaged and unable to move, the larger baboon comes bounding out of the trees again, grabs hold of the fur above her forehead with both hands and tears her face completely off - leaving this unrecognisable mass of flesh with these perfect rows of exposed teeth. It kind of reminded me of Chatterer from Hell Raiser.

Again the larger one bounds off - this time Nelly is not screaming but making this noise that is a mixture between a whimper and gargling blood. This was an extremely disturbing image, and it felt like it went forever, in the dream I was wondering 'when are they going to stop filming this'.

At this point I woke up pretty distressed. I don't even like Baboons, but the whole scene was so horrifically cruel, that it was extremely upsetting to 'witness'. I was also completely unsettled by the whole voice over leading into it - It was supposed to be a heart warming tale? WTF.

I fell back asleep but when I got up on Sunday morning I was still feeling really unsettled by it - more than anything I was disturbed by the fact that such imagery was in my head in the first place - but then as I was trying to piece together where it would have come from, I realized that it was actually because of something Josie from UK Big Brother had said about how whenever she feels down, she thinks about that woman who got her face ripped off by a Chimpanzee. Which is at once ridiculous and relieving that there was a clear source for the disturbing and graphic imagery, but that it would come from something as stupid and inconsequential as Big Brother.

I was still distressed by the graphic violence and underlying themes of hopelessness and cruelty though,

Maybe I'll dream something beautiful tonight....